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Jan. 29th, 2010 | 01:25 am

Today I decided that I am keeping the baby. My expected due date is October 31st.

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Nov. 29th, 2009 | 08:47 am

i am hating my job today. i want to leave so bad. everyone is pissing me off.

this douche named quinn couldn't make it to his overnight shift last tuesday so, he called me at 1pm when i had just worked an overnight that night and he knew i was sleeping. i told him that when i woke up, i would figure out what my day was going to be like, and if i could work for him, i would call him and let him know. he harassed me 2 more times until i woke up. just for being an ass, i didn't answer.

that day ended up being a busy one with me helping my aunt (her husband left her and she needed to most ASAP) all day long. meanwhile, this ass is BLOWING UP MY PHONE. i just never answered. i told him, that if i could work, i'd call. i didn't call because i couldn't work for him.

so, i get to work today... 7am. he is here. "ms. ilona, i was expecting your call on tuesday." FUCK YOU. i straight up said "i remember saying i'd call you if i could work, and i couldn't work, so i didn't call." and he goes "mmm-hmm."

fuck you. i hate everyone here.

now for housekeeping bitch...

her: "hey, is that wedding party checking out today?"
me: "what are their names or room numbers?"
her: "i don't know."
me: "i haven't worked in two days. i don't know either."
her: "they're on the third floor."


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Nov. 20th, 2009 | 12:33 am

i cannot wait to get out of this place right now... work is just fucking me over left and right. i am just PRAYING that this interview goes well on monday and i can give them my two-weeks notice.

so, two months ago, i put up two signs (one in the front office, one in the back office) about how i will be out of town on december 2nd, and i would appreciate it if i could SWITCH shifts with someone. switch is the key word here. i was not calling off or requesting off, just simply asking my fellow co-workers if they would let me work one of their shifts in return for them working mine on december 2nd. NOT THAT COMPLICATED! so like, 3 days later i get a passive-aggressive text from my manager saying "we are not allowing people to request off anymore, if you need a day off, find someone to work your shift." uhhhh, ok? is that not what my fucking NOTE SAID?! and before you go thinking "your note wasn't clear." let me just type exactly what the note said here:

"FRONT DESK: would anyone like to trade their shift (overnight or not) for my overnight shift on wednesday, december 2nd? thanks! (insert phone number) call day or night!"

like, fuck you! that note was clear as day. i put that up TWO MONTHS AGO. and guess what i saw on the schedule today? rachel: 7am - 3pm REQ OFF. OH REALLY? WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO REQUEST OFF ANYMORE?! how come rachel gets to request off? that's not even the huge issue here.

there is a girl that works here who's mom works in the sales office. every. single. weekend. there is always some kind of outlandish story for why she can't come in. it's gotten to the point where i literally rely on her to call off so i can cover her shift and get an extra day. two weekends ago, she called off because she burnt off part of her ponytail on accident and needed to go get her hair cut. she called me at 11am and he shift wasn't until 3pm. GO GET YOUR HAIR CUT AND GET TO WORK.

i, on the otherhand, have called off two times since i have been working here. one of the times, i was in the hospital pretty much on my deathbed. i have been late ONCE and that's it. i do everything for this company but they just screw me over constantly.

so here is my main rant. this is the reason i want to get up and quit because this is the 3rd time they've done something like this. just to start, i am not low on the totem pole. i've been working here for a year (with a little break) and two people were hired after me. i should get some say in my schedule. also, i am the ONLY front desk agent at this hotel that goes to school (college.)

so, two weeks ago, my manager offers me my 3pm - 11pm shifts back on saturdays and sundays (instead of my usual 7am - 3pm shifts) and i was SO excited because i am over waking up at 6am on the weekends. i glady accepted but he told me that there was a catch. the catch was that i would only get those shifts back if i worked an extra overnight shift during the week (preferably two nights in a row.) this kinda pissed me off because it's difficult enough working even one overnight shift and going to school, however, i accepted because i REALLY want to work the 3-11 shift again and i would get an extra day added to my work week. we both were happy about the situation.

i come to work yesterday and see that i am working my extra over night shift on thursday... then i look over to the weekend schedule and guess what i see? i am still working 7am - 3pm on sunday AND ON TOP OF THAT, they took away my saturday shift. so not only am i now working 2 overnights in a row, but they took away my fucking saturday so i'm STILL only working 3 days a fucking week. that completely defeated the purpose of the change. oh, and my new thursday overnight is conveniently on THANKSGIVING! FUCK YOU!!!! YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCKS!!!!! ahhhhhhhh!

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Nov. 19th, 2009 | 03:32 am

someone did a very small but nice thing for nick tonight. after working at this catering event, he went to the bar with his friends and then tried to leave. when he was leaving the bar, i got a horrible feeling that he shouldn't be driving. he stopped by a walgreen's for cigarettes and the clerk was really concerned for him because he was extremely intoxicated. i don't know if she called the police or the cop just happened to stop by, but they called a cab for him.

i called the clerk to thank her and she said she was just going to have him help her stock shelves and then let him leave in a couple hours but the cop came and had him leave in a cab. what a sweetheart. if a drunk 21 year cold came into my hotel to get a room at 3 a.m., i would send them packing, not really caring what happened to them when they left. but she was concerned for his safety and that was really kind of her.

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Nov. 15th, 2009 | 10:01 am

my job makes me seriously hate everyone. i am not racist and this has nothing to do with race. i just literally hate everyone. you called down 3 minutes ago asking where breakfast is and i said IN THE RESTAURANT... WHY must you come up to the desk and ask if you have to go OUTSIDE to get to the breakfast?!?!?! there is a HUGE FUCKING SIGN right by glass doors (which obviously leads to a restaurant) that CLEARLY says "COMFORT SUNSHINE BREAKFAST IS SERVED IN THE RESTAURANT."
i do not understand how some people go about their daily lives if they can't find where the mf breakfast is served in a very small hotel. FUCK.

oh and i don't have any control over the tax rate. fuck off.

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Nov. 11th, 2009 | 02:03 am

this month has taken me to hell and back and back again.

at the end of september, i started being social again and having friends after a year spent catering to nick and living in warrensburg. i was enjoying being myself again and eventhough what happened because of it all, i did get in touch with myself again. anyways. this really took a toll on mine and nick's relationship. i became really attracted to this guy jeff that i was hanging out with. the fact that i could be attracted to someone else made me think that mine and nick's relationship was over. i told all of my friends that we were broken up eventhough we weren't. so if there was a time where my friends and nick would be in the same vicinity, i would act as if nick didn't exist. i did feel bad doing that. i started pushing nick away emotionally and became completely enthralled in my social life. there was 2 weeks where i literally just did not see nick, and we live together.

i knew that this was hurting nick because he would ask me to stay home with him or hangout but i was so concerned with jeff and my social life that i just couldn't give nick the time of day. i was being really selfish but i honestly believed things were ending with us. it kind of became clear to me that jeff and i weren't going to happen and i'm so relieved that nothing sexual ever occured between us. even then, i began having people over at my apartment every other night to drink and this affected nick even more and i knew it but just couldn't be bothered to care.

nick dealt with the rejection and lack of love and attention in his own way. before i get to the kicker, he began heavily using drugs and hanging out with people from work that were also heavily into drugs and were just complete sketchballs. i didn't take this as him being hurt and dealing with it in his own way, but as him changing and i did not like it. this caused me to resent him completely and just pretty much ignore his existence.

on sunday the 8th, i came home from work at 3 p.m. to find nick still asleep. this ticked me off but i kind of brushed it off. my grandfather invited us to come over and pick up some fruit he had picked for us. knowing that nick loved my grandpa, i was going to wake him up and invite him to go. i saw his phone on the ground, dead, and i just felt like i needed to go through it. so i did. i found a reply to a text message to his ex-girlfriend.

i asked him why he was talking to her and he said that he sold her some pot earlier that month. that made me really mad and i began to cry but i knew that wasn't it. i began to press him for details and he finally told me that they hung out and he kissed her but that was all. i knew that wasn't the end of it so i called her and she told me EVERYTHING.

they had been hanging out since the end of september (when things started to go bad) and they had been getting intimate. after i heard that, i felt like i had just gained 1,000 pounds and just couldn't contain myself. i beat the shit out of nick and just sobbed. i don't remember most of it for some reason.  i told nick to move out today and that we were done so he left. i went out with my friends. i stayed at meredith's and really just had time to think.

him cheating on me with her was the ultimate betrayal because at the beginning of our relationship, i felt like i was living in her shadow. his parents really liked her and weren't that fond of me, they had a lot of mutual friends, they had dated for a long time and it was just typical new girlfriend jealousy. i felt like he was cheating on me with her because he missed her and wanted to be with her again. this really ate away at me and i never wanted to see him again. then, all the sudden i just felt like i missed him and needed to be with him and i realized how much i still loved him and how badly i had hurt him. then i got to thinking about the past month and how miserable he was. i knew that he was not happy with her and she was not what he wanted. i remembered when we would lay in bed at night and he would cry because he loved me so much.

i called him and asked him to explain and he said that he was not attracted to her in the least and that he cut things off with her a while before i found out. he said being intimate with her again was awkward and he didn't like it at all. they had hooked up about three times and each time was worse and worse. most of the times they hung out, they would just get coffee and smoke pot. he told me that he loves me and still wants to be with me.

the part that hurt the worst is that he brought her into our home.

i realized how much i love him and how much i don't want to be without him. he's my bestfriend. i love him so much. the next day, we met up at the apartment and as soon as i saw him, i just cried. he called her infront of me and said sorry for bringing her into all of this, but that he loves me and all of this was a mistake. 

we are now trying to work past all of this. all i know is i want things to get better and i still love him. i don't want to write about this anymore because it hurts to relive it and i just want to forget and move on.

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Oct. 3rd, 2009 | 10:48 am

i am in a terrible funk right now. i have been drunk every single night for the past two weeks. i am not exaggerating. i really wish i was. i guess i am spiraling into some sort of depression... money, failed relationship, school, health, and work issues, are all really taking a toll on me and i just drink. it's obnoxious. i don't feel dependent on alchohol... or maybe i do?

i feel a bit delusional right now because i spent all of last night getting obliterated when i had to work at 7am. so i am running on 2 hours of sleep. this has to stop. alcoholism is the last thing i need in my life right now.

in other news... i held a snake last night. i am TERRIFIED of snakes. it was a ball python and a pal was just talking me through it and it was a pretty awesome experience.

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Dec. 9th, 2008 | 12:56 am

If you would like to comment me, or add me yourself, I will add you back.
For various reasons, my journal is now 'friends only.'
I just have to keep tabs on lurkers :).
Sorry, and Thanks.

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Dec. 9th, 2008 | 12:54 am

aol instant messenger: girrrlOclock
myspace: myspace.com/babyfactory

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